Michelle: I will carry your purse with pride and remember your bravery.

Another Brave Warrior: I will carry my new purse with pride for the breast Cancer Warrior who owned it before me. 

 I recently was able to purchase this beautiful purse on ebay.  It belonged to a metastatic breast cancer warrior. I never met Michelle in person. I got to know her through a facebook group through Gloria Gemma Breast Cancer Foundation. This is a group of women all living with stage 4 metastatic Breast Cancer. It is a group  that no one wants to belong to, but those who belong are glad to have the support of others who understand what it is like to live with a terminal illness like this.  

I later learned that Michelle's paths crossed with others that I know. Its funny how you find these connections through social media. Through this beautiful young woman's posts and zoom chats through Gloria Gemma's straight truth meets, I was always so moved by this girls strength, beauty, smile, and courage. 

She stopped working after her diagnosis and did lots of fundraising in support of awareness for metastatic breast cancer. One of the organizations that she supported was Metavivor, an organization devoted to supporting those effected by metastatic breast cancer as well as focusing on research to find a cure. When I saw that her husband was selling all her beautiful handbags and wallets and donating the funds to Metavivor, I knew that I wanted to purchase one of her bags. It was great that the one I won the bid on was the one I loved the most. 

For many reasons, I will carry this purse with pride and will always remember how brave, and courageous this young women was. She was only 43 and left behind a little boy, but I know that she made a difference for her child, friends, family, and even those who never even met her in person. I watched in awe every time she posted about yet another challenge, progression, change in treatment, disappointment, excitement at any little progress and in the end her courage as she faced the end of the journey. Her husband then posted about her last days and her courage. I pray that I have many years before I get to the end of my journey, but when that time does come, I will remember Michelle and others before me who have been so strong. This young woman and so many others that I have had the pleasure of meeting show so much strength and dignity. Even in my line of work where I see so much strength, I still feel so motivated and thankful to meet these amazing people at a time where the courage and hope really shines through. 

Michelle...rest in peace, I will always remember your beautiful Portuguese smile.  

Idalina (Linda) 11/29/20

Learning to Dance in The Rain

 "Life Isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it is about Learning to Dance in the Rain" 

I first heard this saying years ago from a young woman who was one of my leukemic bone marrow transplant patients. She was in her late 20's and had so much life to live, but she was dying from her cancer. She had every reason to hide under the blanket and get depressed, but she did NOT. She kept fighting until the last day and she was so strong. Even with every relapse, she stayed positive. I sat with her holding an ice pack to her nose as she bled from no platelets . I advocated to give her platelets to give her a few minutes without bleeding so that she could see the two young children (her boyfriends children, whom she had learned to love and who loved her).  Even in those last few days , she was positive and living life. She and so many other brave patients that I have been privileged to know have thought me to live my life by not waiting for the storm to pass, but to keep dancing in the rain. 

This year has been trying for all of us as we continue to navigate the storm known as covid. In addition to the covid pandemic, I have to navigate another storm again.  I must deal with a scary change in health. My breast cancer has decided that my liver is a warm place to spread to. My biopsy last week confirmed that the lesion in my liver that was seen on scans and MRI is definitely a progression of my breast cancer.  It is one lesion and I am waiting for an appointment for a procedure called cryo-ablation , which basically freezes the lesion and kills it, but this also means that my current treatment is no longer working well enough. so I got my first two big shots to the "Ass" this week; a hormone blocker called Faslodex.  I have given these injections so many times to my patients.  I hate given it because its two big needles, one to each side,  and the medication is almost like pushing cement through a needle . My thumb is always sore after pushing that plunger; however, I now know how the patient on the other side of that plunger really feels. "Ouch", that was not fun at all. It really did hurt; and the fact that two nurses, one on each side get to see my bare Ass was a little disturbing. I will be a little more sympathetic the next time I have to give it.

 I will be receiving this treatment again  two more times this month as a loading dose, then once a month. Here's to second line treatment for metastatic breast cancer. I got 22 months from first line, so lets keep fingers crossed for at least another 22 months for second line treatment. The good news is that there are still  many lines of treatment that I know will be available in the future so that I can keep dancing in the the Rain. 

I will keep pushing forward, Living my very best life and I will continue to push past the Storm and Dance in the Rain. 

 Linda (Idalina)