Yesterday, I snuck onto one of the inpatient units to say goodbye to a patient and fellow breast cancer warrior . Hospitalization today is very different than it used to be because of covid 19 precautions. Patients have to make end of life decisions with family meetings held on zoom. This approach leaves out the important human touch of holding a persons hand and hugging them when they are forced to make the hardest decision of their lives. The decision to focus on comfort at the end of life instead of active treatment, The thing is that in most cases, as this case, the decision has already been made by your body that is no longer able to tolerate treatment. The difference is that now, the patient is left alone in that bed after the doctors and nurses walk out and the zoom meeting has ended. This is the part of the pandemic that many don't see or understand.
Luckily I wear an employee badge and know how to make my way to the nursing unit. We are not really allowed to go see a friend in the hospital during the pandemic, but K has been my patient for the last 2 1/2 years. She is a beautiful 54 year old woman who until 2 1/2 years ago was living her normal life without concern for her health. She had a lump on her breast . She didn't think much of it until it started to cause some sores on her breast. She actually had breast cancer that had spread to her skin and bones and eventually spread to her liver. Sound familiar? Now, please, for those who love me and are reading this blog, don't panic and think that I'm writing this because I am dying. K's cancer was much more advanced than mine at diagnosis two years ago. The benefit of working as a breast cancer nurse is that I recognized my symptoms as abnormal a lot earlier. K is now in complete liver failure and waiting for bed at the inpatient hospice unit.
After a family meeting , on zoom. I had the opportunity to go see her and hold her hand. I couldn't hug her, but holding her hand was the next best thing. I'm so lucky to have this opportunity to help her by allowing her to at least see a familiar face , even with the face mask, goggles and gown she recognized me right away and was relieved to see someone she knew because even her oncologist was only able to participate in this discussion on zoom since she too is quarantined at home. My heart goes out to K and and her family. Making the decision to change the focus to comfort care is hard enough when you have your family physically at your side, I cant imagine how much more difficult it is when the pandemic does not allow your family to physically be present. K is waiting for an open bed at the inpatient hospice center where her family will at least be able to have limited visitation. Tonight, I pray that K is comfortable and that a bed will become available at hospice for her soon. I did hear from her family that two family members, her son and sister, were being allowed a 30 minute visit at the hospital today. Thank you lord for allowing her this opportunity to have them be able to get in today to hold her hand and give her a hug, even if only 30 minutes.
Saying goodbye to a dying patient has become even more difficult during the pandemic.
K,,,and all those suffering alone in the hospital tonight, I pray for comfort, peace, and dignity.
Linda (Idalina)
I am and remain stronger than cancer
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