"A Poor Girl in a Rich Girl's Dress"

A poor Girl in a Rich Girls dress
Mom and dad on their wedding day
Aunt Lucia as the flower girl
November 14, 1959

    Living in the United States today, its hard to imagine what life was like for young couples living in the small Island of Sao Miguel, Azores 60 plus years ago. I had a very old , cracked,  and faded photo from my parents wedding day. This photo is the only one they had and has been scanned and copied. 

In that day poor people of the island did not have cameras or video to document their special events; but moms godfather's wife had lived in America, so they had a camera and he snapped a picture of the couple as they were coming out of the church. Three years later he brought that picture to mom after he had a visit to America where he had it developed. Mom treasured this photo; but since dad worked away from home to the other islands for weeks at a time, he folded this only photo they owned and carried it in his wallet. The photo obviously faded and cracked over time.

I sent a friend who does photo restoration my faded copy to try to preserve this memory. This led to conversations with my mother who is now 79 years old and married to this same man for 61 years. I asked her to describe what her dress looked like so that the photo restorer could assure that she had the dress restored correctly 

    Here is the story behind this dress. A story that is not unlike many from that time. 

    Mom was 18 years old, dad, 23. When asked about the dress, mom vividly describes it and is excited to share the whole story. "It was so beautiful" she explains with excitement. She explains that she felt like a princess; "A poor girl in a rich girls dress".  It was a beautiful satin with  lace roses that were just slightly darker. It had long sleeves and covered her neck as it was not appropriate to have any cleavage or neck showing. She wore a vail that covered her face. After the priest married them and said that he could kiss his bride, mom explains, a little shy; "your father lifted the vail and kissed me on my forehead. 

    In that day when a girl was to marry she would ask a couple to be her godparents for the sacrament of marriage. Her mother suggested that she ask her baptism godfather since his wife had come from America and they might be able to afford the wedding band or dress that often was gifted by the godparents A couple of weeks after she asked the couple to be her godparents for marriage, his wife sent for her and showed her the most beautiful material . She asked her if she liked it for her wedding dress. The couple had  hired a professional seamstress who would make her dress.  Dad wore a simple, but elegant black suit that he purchased himself in the city. It cost him a months salary, but he looked so elegant in his suit. "It was like we were rich" she explains. They could not afford wedding bands. Mom's was borrowed and dad did not have a wedding band.  Everyone talked about her beautiful dress for a long time. Mom was so excited to tell me the story of their wedding and courtship. 

   In that time girls were to show respect for their family and there was no public show of affection. In fact, the first time that I remember seeing a couple kiss on the lips was on television when I was 9 years old after we came to the America.. I remember asking mom why she and dad never kissed liked that. 

    Dating was not what we understand as dating. Boys would date a girl by talking to her through an open window or veranda  in her home. The girl would be inside the house, the boy on the outside. Mom explains , "there was a little kiss snuck in now and then" at that window or after church.  This meeting up through the window would lead to falling in love. Mom was young and she was "crippled". She had polio when she was 5 years old. Polio residuals led to one leg shorter than the other and a foot contracture, so she walked with a limp. A girl like that was not perfect and no man would want a crippled girl. Dad knew that she had this disability but he liked her anyway. After a few months of dating , dad  decided that he was going to ask her to marry,  But remember, she was not perfect, she was the crippled girl. This caused a problem. His parents did not approve.  He could not marry a crippled girl, What if she could not cook and clean for him or have children for him.  

    When dad insisted that he was going to marry this women, his parents threw him out of the house. He worked in the city with moms brothers all week, so her mother and father allowed him to sleep in the attic with her brothers on the weekends. Her  mother explained that they must marry right away as it would be shameful; and what would people say ?  Mom was not sure she wanted to marry him, after all she didn't know him very well yet, and he said he loved  her, but did he really? why would he want a crippled woman? She wasn't sure she even loved him. Mom goes on to tell me that even though his parents did not originally approve, they grew to love her and her mother in law, my grandmother,  was a saint who was so good to her and helped her so much. 

    She was known as crippled, but this is a women that with a foot contracture, bearing weight only on her toes,  still managed to walk everywhere, take care of her family, carry and birth 9 children at home with no real medical care, work long hours in the mills after coming to America and never resting or complaining, She lived through so many heart breaks including losing two infants both in her arms, two miscarriages, an emergency hysterectomy, and a hard life without the conveniences that we have today.  Life was hard, but she never gave up and worked hard to raise her family. Today she suffers with some health issues, but she remains the strongest woman I have ever known and I am thankful for her strength and determination. 

    This poor girl in the rich dress deserved that beautiful dress. This young couple are now rich in family and love. Through all the hard work, tears, sweat, good times and bad times, they created a huge beautiful family who are very close. They just celebrated 61 years of marriage. 

Mom and dad with the family they created at their 60th wedding anniversary 
November 14, 2019