Let's start from the beginning.
in 2006, less than one year after starting a great career in oncology nursing, I was diagnosed with Ductal Carcinoma in Situ of the left breast. For those who are not familiar with this, It is basically, early, pre cancer of the breast that if not treated will become invasive cancer. This led to treatment that included a mastectomy with a big surgery called a tram flap to reconstruct my breast. I did not need chemo or radiation and was told that my chance of developing another breast cancer was about 2.5% higher than those who never had a breast cancer. I was 40 years old. I always worried that I could fall into that 2.5% and that I could someday develop breast cancer on the other breast but never worried about the reconstructed breast. after all, "there is no breast tissue".
Who would ever think that I would get a breast cancer on the reconstructed side. That was not supposed to happen. Well, lucky me, I have fallen into that 2.5% chance with a cancer that resulted from the less than 5% of breast tissue that is always left behind after a mastectomy. Why couldn't I just fall into that small percentage of people who win the lottery?
Around Thanksgiving 2018, I noticed some fullness in my axilla (arm pit). I then felt a lump. I still never thought it was anything to worry about. My thoughts were, "its just scar tissue", "I just did to many push ups". After all, I know a lot about breast cancer and if I was going to get breast cancer it would be on the other side, right? I finally got a bit worried and had one of the breast oncologist check for me. Even, she said, "I'm not worried", but you should have an ultrasound. Well, who would have known that 5 days before Christmas, I would find out that the swelling and small lump on a reconstructed breast would be "Breast Cancer". No way, I'm the breast cancer nurse, not the breast cancer patient. This was not supposed to happen to me! That was the longest ride home from work. What a great telephone call to take in the car after a stressful work day as a cancer nurse. Somehow, I gathered my feelings , swallowed hard, took some deep breaths and came home to sit the love of my life down to tell him this news. Those are probably the hardest words I will ever have to say to him. I was so nervous to tell him. After all, it took him 52 years to find someone to grow old with. How I could take that away from him?
The next couple weeks were filled with holiday prep, not sleeping thinking of how I would tell my children, my family, my friends, and lots and lots of tests and procedures. After many tests including MRI's , CT Scans, Bone Scan's,( I'm sure that I am glowing from all the dye and radiation from all these tests); and a bone biopsy. I now have confirmed breast cancer that has metastasized (spread to my lymph nodes and bones). So how am I feeling. Well the words are Hopeful, strong, determined, stubborn. tough. This does not mean that it's over. Many women live many years with metastatic breast cancer and I will be one of those women. Yes, I have had my pity parties, I have cried, I have worried. BUT...I will not allow myself to go there. It is life as usual. I love my family, my friends, my patients, my life. I will not allow this to bring me down. It is business as usual and enjoying life everyday to its fullest.
I am going to Boston on Monday for a second opinion to make sure that I am making the right decisions for treatment, and than we move forward.
Life is beautiful and I still have a lot of life to live! I will face this head on and do what I need to do to live my new normal with metastatic breast cancer.
Idalina (Linda)
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